Posts tagged: funny
in the mainstream.
ah the sad truth.
what would you say if a bunch of giant trees started attacking you?
i should have recycled...
Narrow slice rule: Cutting food into narrow slices reduces calories. By cutting very thin slices it is possible to eat an entire pizza, muffin, or doughnut with a very minimal caloric intake.
Eating while standing rule: Any foods consumed while standing have very few, if any, calories (and are obviously digested much faster).
7 a.m. rule: It is important to start the day with a healthy meal. Therefore, any foods eaten before 7 a.m. do not count toward the day’s caloric intake.
7 a.m. rule, midnight sub-clause: Foods eaten after midnight automatically have a reduced calorie count.
Mental exercise rule: A sharp mental state of mind is the most important part of exercise. Therefore, a good psychological mindset for exercise is the most important part of losing weight. Hence, just thinking hard about exercise will shed the pounds.
Liquid food rule: Foods in liquid form are much lower in calories than solid foods, since food that doesn’t have to be chewed is better for a diet.
Meeting snack rule: Since meetings are a job requirement, snacks eaten at them have no calories.
Thin food rule: Foods that are thin obviously have much fewer calories than thick foods. Because of this rule, baklava should be considered a low-calorie food, and anyone can see that crepes are better for a diet than pancakes.
Potluck food rule: Like cookies at a meeting, food consumed at a potluck is also free of calories (editor’s note: although we have no idea why).